What is going to happen to this blog?

I don't know, this blog was my diary during my struggle through medical school. I've had some sort of digital diary ever since I was 12 - 13 I think... some of you have seen my previous one from primary and high school, hahah. Heddelande, I will keep it here right where it is, but I feel like a large chapter of my life has ended, and this blog is part of that chapter...

What should I do? Should I start a new blog? Will I even keep writing if I start a new blog? Do I want to? Do I have time? Will Instagram suffice instead? Why am I not getting new followers on Instagram!? Should I create a professional website, connected to a personal blog, is that good for business?

What do I want with my life? No time to waste, I should start preparing for that right now.

Here look at my recent buffness.

I should post graduation pics

M.D. degree, it's here. Now joining doctors without licenses for a while. Starting work in Finland in November, meanwhile taking it easy back home, but also going to visit Dubai and Reykjavik a bit... and have some fractionated laser done on my face... kind of not looking forward to the latter, can you imagine...

I didn't say goodbye to a lot of friends before I left Debrecen, maybe because I can't realise that I have actually left. Sorry, I hope that I will meet you all again. I love you. Should I write a bye-message on Facebook? Are people still on Facebook nowadays? I love Debrecen, I loved being a student there... I loved group 11 and I loved pretty much everything apart from the Stomatology exam in 4th year (which I didn't even fail).

Oh dear!

The summer is coming to an end!? I finished my exams by the end of June, worked at the oncology ward in Eskilstuna for 5 weeks, spent some time with family and friends (and exercised of course ...) and now, at last, although I haven't been longing for it - there's only the Hungarian state examination left before I graduate and get my medical doctor degree. Ho-ly shit!

I have many goals for the coming year which is the main reason to why I've now bought a laptop. My tablet will no longer be enough, I have plans. Today I realised that I didn't stop by at my blog in ages... so if anyone is still out there reading, hi! And whoever implied in the comments that I have a(/multiple?) personality disorder, feel free to educate me further on the matter, how have you perceived me?

Once, when I messaged Leo taxi (airport shuttle service for students in Deb), and signed my message at the bottom, the driver showed up flashing a find-me-sign saying "SINCERELY MARIA".

SINCERELY, MARIA

Floral

Ohhh I love being back in Hungary, I love everything about it. Kind of had a shitty day due to personal issues but temperature has been over 20, lots of sun and yesterday I finally saw Bendy and Eleni over dinner and drinks. Missed them so so soo much. And finally I can wear my new denim jacket, can you guess how long I've been waiting for thease days...

Tomorrow I have to turn in my lecture book at the neurology department, again, and get that signature so that I can take the neurology exam... next week... eeek.

Because it's time to study

Helllloo.

We're at our last days here in Jakobstad right now, and we finally had the last bit of snow for a while, I deeply hope so. Leaving this place with experience, paleness, money, and satiety for cardiology. Infection and oncology is taking the lead for options, I also like emergency medicine and surgery... But the lifestyle.. Not sure! Probably exhausting in a more physical way. Will I find a specialty which feels 100%?

What else? Moscow was lovely, and cold, and gorgeous. City centre is soooo beautiful, unfortunately not so much on the outskirts. Saw most of my relatives there which I'm really thankful for. Want to go back soon again.

What else? Dennis is the best. Except for when we argue, I'm the best no protest.

I am so, so, so excited to go back to Debrecen in a few weeks. Friends, CLIMATE, a life basically haha.

GLAD PÅSK

Semesteeer! Easter! I'm at home for a few days, tomorrow me and mom are going to Moscow. Haven't been there for six years!! Such a shame, but at last. It's going to be quite cold apparently, around zero degrees. By now (after six months of winter) I suppose zero degrees is going to feel warm-ish. We had absolutely lovely weather today though, I ran hill-intervals for 30 minutes and did a few exercises. Privet was my spectator.

By the way, I gained almost three kilos?? Since January. That's a LOT for me, I only weighed over 60 kilos once before, in high school when I was "fat" from high alcohol consumption heh heh. I've been pushing harder at the gym ever since I realised that I'm not going to be a lazy gymmer no more, which clearly works. I can do pistol squats now hehee... but I probably gained some fat too :)

Tick tox

Alas, here is a moment I cannot miss out on. I'm off from work today, currently on the train on my way home from Helsinki. I've applied for a Visa to Russia yehyeh, hopefully travelling to visit my grandmother and other close relatives in April. Sooo looking forward to it... Nothing can go wrong with the application pretty pleeease.

Shopped for a tiny bit of makeup too hihi. Wow Helsinki is amazing for makeup, but crazy expensive.

I'm legit exhausted, have been up since 4AM. It takes 4 hours to go from Jakobstad to Helsinki. Sweet dreams on me. Tomorrow back to work. The photo of me and Dennis between streets of Helsinki, is from last week.

Howhowhow

Lone no more! <3 Life and work goes on over here. And gym of course, duh. Today I worked my first extra-shift at the emergency after my standard working day at the cardiology department. Total 8.00 - 21.30. I need the experience, but working over 12 hours like that is not worth the money... How do some people live their life continuously like this? That is the question.

Sincerely

I'm socially exhausted, in a very lonely way. I go to work, mostly have lunch alone, work over-time because I'm so slow with paperwork... spend two hours at the gym, eat and sleep. Oh and shop online.

I'm a social animal, really. I need my giggle, attention and gossip. Dennis has been away for two weeks and it is well enough. Saw Dollal and Nora this weekend for a fika, yay, but I can't live off a 50 minute fika! Spoke with my mom on the phone for some hour. How am I going to socially survive when medschool is over? What is going to happen!? Dennis, we must never be apart, you are stuck with me. DENNIIIIIS.

I'm almost speaking to strangers at the gym. And gym really saves me by the way. The feeling after exercise, as right now, oh it's so good... and I've noticed on occasions when I haven't exercised for two or three days, like during exams or travelling or viruses for instance... that I get angry! Mad and insulting things and people in my head, haha. I wonder if that is a deficiency of something, like some sort of withdrawal... or an excess of something waiting to be consumed.

Bla bla bla! Well I don't have a social life, so where else would I share it.

By the way, I ordered these tights from Gymshark. I have their flex leggings from before which may be the most comfortable gym tights I've ever owned. So eventually I got these too, but I actually ordered cropped ones, capris... they sent me full length by mistake. So I wrote an email, and they sent me new capris and let me keep these. That is actually really good service, no wonder Gymshark is becoming a big brand quickly. This model is not nearly as comfortable as the flex leggings though. These are a bit too short on me and tend to ride down around the crotch area, like most tights do in my opinion. Now I have two pairs, they look good but I wouldn't order more colours. Bla bla bla :)

Merrell in my H

My phone camera can take decent pics at times, but oh not today - beware of extraordinary picture quality.

Learned a lot this week. Spent 3,5 days at the cardiology department and 1,5 days at the ER. Usually I don't sleep well when I'm feeling stressed, but... well firstly I have been mentally exhausted before bedtime... but the stress at work doesn't make me anxious, like a big exam does for instance, rather excited... scared sometimes but, I saw and treated a neurotic angioedema yesterday, how rare and cool is that!!

I've been to gym Tue, Wed, Fri this week so far - not bad. Can't wait to go tomorrow. My new shoes are minimum cushioning "barefoot feel" running shoes. Oh, oh, oh, this is exactly what I've been looking for. So glad that I din't go with Nike again. My previous Nike Free Run 5,0 were also pure love... but I needed new shoes, and the updated Free Run's are squishier and softer... I rather wanted something stiffer, as close to barefoot-feel as possible, and found these from Merrell. Hell, I have no idea of the name of the shoe, all I remember is a strange name, too advanced for it's own good. Hard, ergonomic shoes strengthens the bones and muscles of the foot, and give more knee stability (no wiggle to the sides), thus also great for weightlifting. And these are 10/10 comfortable. PEACE.

Modulatory functions

Yoyoyo. That's that for Debrecen this time. Had an exhausting last day at Gynaecology practice, but it's finally over. So glad that I probably don't have to do all 5/5 weeks here...

Got a 4 in the pediatrics exam and a 5 in psychiatry. Would have liked a better grade in pediatrics of course but I think it was a fair grade based on my performance, I wasn't excessively prepared for neonatology, which was one of my topics so... Yesss...

Printed my thesis!!!

Off to Finland tomorrow. Will do 3 months at internal medicine (mainly cardiology) as a "hospital doctor". I would have liked to want to go out tonight, but I'm so, so tired.... I doubt that I will even go to the gym. And I have to pack and clean and wake up at 5.30 AM... I wish I wanted to. We shall see.

Long time no fitness-post

So I can't remember if I shared detailed fitness goals here, for 6th year. But someone asked me about it this summer, and I told him that my goal for the coming year is to keep and maintain what I have. He was confused.

I didn't really know how much exercise I would have time for, with everything going on - moving out from Debrecen, Finland, travelling, exams - so I thought that it'd be too much to ask of myself to have any particular progress. Which is alright, but I realised this week that I'm done with that. Despite everything, I've actually kept an average of 5 workouts per week, but with some sort of mindset that I'm chillin' at the gym and not improving because I'm "so busy". Excuse me, me, but 5 times per week is perfect and besides, why not make the time spent at the gym WELL spent?

Enough with lazy exercising, (lol?) I have a few specific goals already:
- muscle ups! (me and Roy have a bet that we have to learn it by the end of March, haha)
- pistol squats, so hard for me, especially on my operated leg. Gonna learn it!
- crossfit moves in general, I barely know the names of the exercises so not going to try and name more.
- stronger triceps and biceps, my triceps particularly are so tiny, is it genetics??
- stronger obliques. Please, google "strong obliques". Don't know why I didn't bother to do oblique-dominant exercises before.
- more cardio. You've heard it before, an old goal which I am consistently unsatisfied with. The reason is that I want a strong and vascularized heart muscle and a good oxidative burst regularly.

Photos below are now, compared to January 2016. Minor difference. I've improved on my core strength this year and did a new PB in deadlifts (85kg) this summer, and developed my quads a bit, but that's all I think. In a year! Got a bit weaker in pullups and squats, ajajaj.

Past week in exercise:
Mon: rest/day before psych exam
Tue: gym (biceps, chest, hamstrings, obliques, 10 min intensive running)
Wed: gym (triceps, squats, abs)
Thu: nightshift/restday
Fri: crossfit class (learned how to snatch!)
Sat: gym (shoulders, deadlifts, abs)
Sun: gym (obliques, 2 km barefoot running, front squats)

Late night bs

Im so sick of studying!!!! Here I am in Debrecen, alone, Saturday night, STUDYING. Drowning in pediatrics. I want to party for a year straight right now. I'm young NOW life is happening NOW but I'm right here. This is what I do for my future me. Then, I'm going to take my doctor money and party.

And I'm so sick of "the perfect female body" with silicone boobs. Why does everyone act like our body is supposed to look like that, you know what I refer to. Silicone was PUT INSIDE these women. Why are women jealous of other women's silicone boobs, why do women with natural breats feel inferior to the point of SURGERY and wearing plastic INSIDE the body. Where is our self respect women???? What???

Do you know what I'm thinking when I walk through a crowd? I'm the shit I'm the shit I'm the shit. Because I am, as I am. As is anyone who wants to be.

Nem muködik

I realised in vain that I need a stamp from the university before I can take the pediatrics exam, and bought a new, earlier flight ticket. But about 30 minutes before departure the airport announced that all flights are cancelled. It was too windy. Damn it Swedish climate. I managed to get an exam date one day ahead but... the stress!! And lost study time!!! Sigh.

By the way I had plastic surgery. JK but I had five fibromas/moles removed with CO2 laser in Stockholm at a plastic surgery clinic. It was pretty cool. No, no botox yet but maybe next year. Visited Bazyl in Uppsla in the same ronud. Poor guy had to prepare for a presentation haha, but it was really fun to see him.

By the way again, I got a job for the summer! At the Oncology clinic as last year but this time as a doctor. IF our application (me working as a doctor before graduation) is approved by socialstyrelsen. Pretty pleeease.

Gotta get back to the lovely pages of pediatrics. PEACE.

New new new year in the calendar

You are who you are, character develops very early in life. But skills are dynamic and habits are not set in stone. EFFORT makes you improve. Thinking, planning, practicing and actually doing things.

January 1st is a date in the calendar.

Who wants more facts? Who disagrees with my facts?

2017 is the year that I will graduate!! And my 25th birthday is tomorrow. These things feel insane to me. Truly, I'm just another homo sapiens... but to ourselves, our life is a pretty big deal. Everyone don't get to turn 25, and I'm very thankful for my existence. Thank you to everything that made me happen, I like it.

Some things that I'm working on currently, and for the coming year:

- Studying more, especially emergency medicine which I feel obliged to know much better than I currently do. Because... this knowledge is probably what will matter the most in my career, to others, and I want to be able to help someone critically ill. Not panic myself and make unneccesary mistakes.

- Be less messy at home. I'm a pig. I'm aiming for piglet and finally an orderly adult person. ?

- Eat less meat and more protein from alternative sources. Drink less milk though as high lactose
consumption is linked to increased overall mortality, bone insufficiency and some cancers. Why!!!!!

- Maintain my current fitness-level but include more cardio (for the heart, and general health) and
maybe make my bodyweight exercises more difficult, for instance adding a bit of weight to pullups.

- Not touching my skin as I easily get acne and acne gives scarring...

- Going to bed earlier, which I think is improving to a certain extent :D

Lastly, what happened to the blog sidebar?? I can't get it up!